


The Moment You Start Believing

by AbsolutelyIris



Series: The Long Way Home [3]
Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Language, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2104791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsolutelyIris/pseuds/AbsolutelyIris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Today we babysit, and then it's back to you and me. It's only a day."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like [The Long Way Home](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1528280/chapters/3233198) and [One Morning](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1677629), you can take this as part of a series or as a standalone. 
> 
> Title comes from the Isbells song [Dreamer.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqOno6pT3jA) The song Lianne and Veronica sing is The Beatles' [Because](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWlLPJG9Cvg).
> 
> Special thanks to Roz and D for betaing this bitch and kicking my ass.

_Veronica felt her eyes begin to close as she felt the gentle brush of fingers through her hair. Her eyelashes fluttered as the fan passed over on its cycle and after a moment, she felt her mother's cool fingertips on her cheek. It was nice, it was comforting._

_“Because the world is round, it turns me on...”_

_Her mother doesn't have the best voice but she liked how it was soft and almost breathless, like a dream._

_She turned to her mother's chest, her tiny fingers curling along the gold necklace around her mother's neck. She was sticky with sweat but unwilling to move from the warmth. Her mother's arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer, leaving a fleeting kiss on her forehead._

_“When will I be five, mommy?” she whispered._

_“Tomorrow, baby.”_

_“Will daddy be there?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Veronica smiled as she snuggled closer, closing her eyes once more as the fan hit them again. The house was completely quiet except for her mother's singing and the fan, it was so nice. She tried to mimic her mother's steady breathing as her mother began to sing again._

_“Because the wind is high it blows my mind...”_

Logan isn't happy.

Reasonably so, Veronica has to admit. It was her fault and perhaps she should have discussed it with him beforehand.

She sinks to the edge of the bed, watching as he eyes her irritably before making his way to the bathroom. He was okay yesterday, they had managed to have a great night together. Maybe she should have waited until he had showered and had his coffee before listing the dos and don'ts for the day.

She sighs, glancing around the bedroom. It was a really nice bedroom, a nice house. Logan had told her to find him a nice place to rent so they wouldn't have to maneuver around Dick when he returned, and she managed to find him a decent place near the beach in record time after casually dropping his name, military history and the word _fiancée_ around. She had played a role, raised her voice by an octave, added some giggles, and she got the job done. At least this time, she didn't need the huge book full of wedding dresses and ribbons to reach her goal.

Two bedrooms and bathrooms, huge master bedroom and living room, and a small pathway between the laundry room and the rest of the house so he can put his surfboard, their bikes, and shoes. When she wasn't working, she was setting up the house as a gift for Logan, buying furniture and half the home supplies section at Target with the black AmEx he had left her. She wasn't normally into the girly, romantic stuff but she had really wanted to surprise him after six months away, and, to be honest, it had kept her busy when work just wasn't coming in at the office. She did good work, she had to admit, and Logan was more than happy with her gift. It made her happy that he was happy.

Veronica had given them a full week of alone time, full of sleep, good food, better sex, lengthy hot showers, and long talks as a welcome home present for them both. She certainly deserved a prize for having to deal with Dick dropping by the office when he was bored and missing Logan but unwilling to say so. Logan had said he just wanted to “chill out” for a while and she made sure he got that and then some. She held off the news until they were having breakfast the morning before their newest arrival. Obviously, a huge mistake.

She had let out an exasperated sigh when he kept staring at his plate stubbornly, a tight grip on his fork. Even with military discipline, growth and years of maturity, he could still act like such a child sometimes. “Logan. It's only going to be a day.”

“Yeah? What if your mom gets convicted? What's going to happen then?”

This should have been the start of an argument and she had been surprised when it didn't come, not even after she had said, “I...I kind of told him we- I...I would take care of him. He would have me. Us. I don't know.”

Logan had finally released his fork, letting it hit the plate with a dull clang. “I don't want kids, Veronica. I don't want any kids around _here_ , at least not while I'm still getting deployed. How in the hell would you even do it with your job and me gone? Everyone works for a living except Dick and we're _not_ leaving a child alone with him.”

“Well, I don't _know_ if I want kids either and definitely not right now, but he's my bro- my _half_ -brother and the rest of his family is in jail, I _am_ actually all he has. _Legally_ , I can take him if my mom has to go to jail,” when she reached for his hand, he had squeezed back and she had been so appreciative. “The foster care system...I don't want him to go through that.”

He had shaken his head and she had seen the complete reluctance pass over his face, then. “Veronica...”

“It's only a day, Logan. Mom just needs to meet with a lawyer my dad is setting up for her in San Diego since Lamb refuses to drop this accessory charge. Maybe this lawyer can help and so can we. Morning to late afternoon. Eight hours, tops. Consider it a day shift.”

“Don't you have law experience? You help her.”

“I'm _not_ a lawyer,” she had let go of his hand, sitting back in her seat. “Look, if this is something you don't want to deal with in the long run, we can keep our thing casual or just end it, but I have to do this. I don't want to, but...”

Logan's entire demeanor had softened, then, and he leaned forward, rubbing her forearm tenderly with his thumb. “Hey. Don't do that. Look, if this is something you have to do, then I have to do it too, okay?”

She had nodded, resting her hand over his, her fingers curling against his palm. “Are you mad at me?”

“For not telling me sooner? A little. But what can go wrong? We are the poster children for amazing childhoods, after all,” he had met her gaze and after a long moment, he couldn't hold back the smile anymore and she had found herself grinning as stupidly as he was.

But that was yesterday. And this was today. And Logan had clearly decided between the time they went to sleep and his morning shower he wasn't happy at all with Hunter hanging around for a whole day. A part of her wants to tell him to just suck it up and deal with it but she also knows she has to tread carefully, mainly because she _did_ sneak this up on him and it _is_ his home she's using.

She waits until he's out of the shower to move into the bathroom, eyeing his bare back as he dries himself off. She forces a smile when he looks over his shoulder at her, giving him an innocent shrug as she tugs down his shirt over her knees. “I was going to join you...”

“No you weren't,” he mutters, turning back to his task. “What's up.”

Veronica moves to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaving a kiss to his shoulder. “I need you to stop being mad at me for a couple of hours, please? After today, you can give me the silent treatment and cold shoulder all you want but I need you right now.”

Logan sighs heavily, turning around. He pays no mind to the fact that he's completely fucking naked and expecting her to concentrate, kissing her forehead softly. “I'm not mad, okay? I'm just nervous. That's weird, right?”

“No,” she reaches over, picking up his towel off the sink and holding it between them like a barrier. “But he's pretty cool, you'll see.”

“This is a con, isn't it?” he asks, taking the towel from her. “See, you're sweet talking me and being romantic because you know I like that, right? Thinking I'm going to forget the plot of _Lilo and Stitch_ is about to be played out in my house.”

Her brow furrows in mock confusion. “Does that make you Stitch, because I'm thinking the military has thrown off your pop culture game...” She smirks as he grins and kisses her cheek this time, running his hands down her arms. “I promise this will be easy. Today we babysit, and then it's back to you and me. It's only a day.”

“It's only a day,” he whispers back.

_“Veronica, it's only a day. I need you to be a big girl, okay?” Lianne let out an exasperated sigh, glancing at the ceiling as Veronica's tiny sneakers disappeared back underneath the bed. “Grandma and granddad haven't seen you since you were a baby, it's going to be a real treat for them. Come on, baby.”_

_“I don't know those people.”_

_“Yes! Yes, you do! And they love you,” she reached in vain for Veronica, her teeth clenching when Veronica scooted away toward the wall. “Veronica, please. Please.”_

_“Why can't daddy come?”_

_“Daddy has to work, I told you,” Lianne held out her hands, giving Veronica a bright smile. “Let's be big girls, okay? Only a few hours? You won't have to even see them again for another six years, I promise. We'll even get ice cream after. Please do this for mommy.”_

_Veronica finally slid out from under the bed, watching as Lianne brushed her pants off. “Chocolate, right?”_

_“Right,” Lianne said breathlessly, scooping Veronica up in her arms. “Come on, we're going to be late!”_

Veronica swings the door open, relaxing as she feels Logan's hand on her lower back, his thumb rubbing gently. Lianne and Hunter Scott stare back, the boy holding on to a small backpack and what appears to be a harmonica. She almost forgets to speak, shaking her head as she bends down at the waist. “Hi, Hunter,” she gives him a faint smile. “Wanna come in?” the boy grins, hugging his mother quickly before dashing inside and Veronica straightens up, looking at Lianne. “Mom.”

“Good morning, Veronica,” Lianne gives Veronica a brief smile before her gaze drifts to Logan and there's surprise in her eyes, then, as his presence seems to finally register. “Logan! I had no idea- you have... _grown_!”

A stiff, visibly uncomfortable smile curls at the corners of Logan's mouth and he gives Lianne a polite nod. “Hi, Mrs. Ma- Scott. It's been years.”

Lianne laughs, a bit too quick, a high, eager titter Veronica could only associate with how the sixth grade moms used to behave around Mr. Cutler, her handsome, single dad, former history teacher. Logan continues to smile, his eyebrows rising expectantly as he nods.

“It has!” Lianne says, combing her fingers through her hair. “Time has certainly been good to _you_.”

Veronica's brow furrows as she glances from her mother to Logan and she takes a step in front of Logan as he starts to respond. She suppresses the urge to gag at her mother's current demeanor, quickly carrying on. “I told you to come to my boyfriend's...” she trails off with a faint laugh. Today was far more awkward than before, and of course it was, they didn't have the detective and client labels to hide behind.

“You didn't tell me Logan was _the_ boyfriend- when did this happen? You know, I always thought you two-”

“A couple of months ago, and in high school, college. It's a long story...we don't have time,” Veronica frowns, her irritation coming swift. One of the things she didn't want to do was talk about her personal life with her mother. She was willing to forgive and move forward but she didn't think she owed her mother that. She was here for Hunter, not her mother. “I could've driven you to the office, it wasn't a big-”

“God, Veronica, I'm already such a bother,” Anxiety flashes in Lianne's eyes and for a second, Veronica is relieved her mother is just as nervous as she is. “I don't mind driving, I'm just so relieved I have someone trustworthy watching him, I can't thank you enough. It'll just be for a couple of hours.”

Veronica glances up at Logan, elbowing his side gently. “See? It's only a couple of hours.”

When Lianne had left, Veronica finds Hunter standing in front of the living room, his wary gaze scanning the room. She feels Logan's hands on her shoulders as he inhales deeply. Her hands wind around as his hands run down her bare arms, holding on to his hips in a brief, awkward and uncomfortable embrace before releasing him. “Hunter.”

“You can go in, bud,” Logan offers.

Hunter turns his head and eyes Logan. “Who's he?”

Veronica steps forward and crouches down, glancing up at Logan from Hunter's point of view. “That is my boyfriend Logan,” Logan gives Hunter a short smile before walking past them to the kitchen. She waits, hearing the refrigerator door open. “This is his home, which he's being so kind to share with us. What do you want to do today?”

The boy shrugs as Logan reappears with two glasses of orange juice and a box of chocolate milk between his fingers. “Can we see a movie?”

She nods, taking a glass and the milk from Logan. “If you want. We can even go to the park for a bit- today's all about you, we're here to have fun,” she hands him the milk, the hand hovering as she spots a piece of lint on his shirt. Her hand drops as he starts to poke the straw into the box.

Hunter walks into the living room, setting down his book bag and taking a seat on the carpet in front of the television. Logan follows, swiping the remote from the counter separating the living room and the kitchen, turning on the television and finding a cartoon for the boy to watch.

He drops beside Hunter on the floor, setting his glass down on the coffee table. “The Ninja Turtles have changed since I was your age. One, they were cartoons, not this CGI crap,” he mutters, squinting as he eyes the television show.

Veronica bites back a smile as Hunter grins up at Logan before looking to the television. And just like that, Logan's connected with the kid. She never knew how he was able to do that. He could be so difficult with people and yet find a way to endear himself to others if he really wanted to. Like now. She sinks to the couch, watching the two watch television. She doesn't know what Logan was so nervous about, he's doing just fine.

Hunter bats at Logan's identification tags as they swing in his direction when Logan reaches past him for his orange juice. “What's this?”

Logan glances down at his chest briefly before taking a sip of his drink. “My dog tags.”

The boy's eyes light up and Veronica tries to hide her smile as he visibly perks up in his seat. “Do you have a dog? Can I see it?”

Logan laughs slightly, shaking his head. “No, I don't have a dog, they're for me, see,” he shows Hunter the pieces of metal, turning them over. “They have my name so I can be identified.”

“Why?”

He pauses, and Veronica can see him debating how to approach the topic. “I have a dangerous job, and bad things happen. This is a just in case something bad happens thing.”

Hunter's brow furrows, clearly not quite understanding the gravity of what Logan was implying. “You look okay now.”

Logan grins. “I feel okay. _You_ look hungry.”

“I _am_ hungry! What's your job?”

Veronica shifts in her seat uncomfortably, clasping her hands together on her lap. He's asking too many questions, as a child does. It's normal but she's just not used to it, knows by the way his mouth tightens around his smile Logan isn't either, but he’s trying. She'll save him from the interrogation, she owes him at least that. “Logan's in the navy, Hunter. The military.”

Hunter glances from Veronica to Logan, his interest captured. “Do you have a gun? My daddy had a gun. He wasn't in the navy, though.”

Logan looks up at Veronica before turning back to Hunter. “I don't carry a gun. They're very dangerous. I know how to shoot one, though.”

She had caught the look on Logan's face. A questioning, faintly alarmed look. A “why the hell does this kid know his dad has a gun?” look. She was pretty sure she had made the look right back and quickly adjusts her stance, trying to be as relaxed as possible. She adjusts the strap of her tank top and pulls a random string from the tan fabric, watching the two out of the corner of her eye.

“Why did you just look at Veronica?” Hunter asks, sipping his milk. “Can I shoot your gun?”

“I told you I don't have one,” Logan says curtly. “And I was just looking at Veronica. She's my girlfriend, and she's pretty. I'm allowed.”

Veronica shakes her head at Logan's compliment and quick rebuttal, a smile forming completely when Hunter sticks his tongue out at Logan and Logan responds in kind. They were already taking a liking to each other, Logan had been cross with her for no reason, really. It was looking to be an easy day.

She's pleased with the kiss Logan leaves on her shoulder after breakfast as she cleans up the table. She can see him glance over into the other room, watching Hunter playing with a music app on her tablet before dipping down and pressing his hips against hers as he holds her against him. Her eyebrows rise as she sets the plates down, bracing her hands on the table. “ _Logan_.”

“Mm,” his mouth opens against her neck, his fingers lightly spreading across her ribs, just under her breasts. “Hey. Come to the bathroom with me. Five minutes.”

“It won't be five minutes. And he'll hear,” she says with a breathless laugh, elbowing him back. She scoops up the dishes and shoves them at Logan. “Please wash these. We should take Hunter to the park for a bit, then lunch? Make a day of it? Tire him out, maybe he'll take a nap...he's not too old to take a nap, right?” she frowns, leaning against the table as she crosses her arms over her chest. “I could use a nap right now.”

“Yeah, let's do the park,” Logan sighs as he turns to the sink. “Wow, this feels like an actual marriage,” he mutters, barely heard over the running faucet.

Veronica blinks rapidly at his words and she wonders if he genuinely meant for his comment to be cutting, or if she is just being paranoid and hearing things that aren't there. She waits for him to elaborate and he doesn't, washing the dishes with precision. “Was that a smart remark, lieutenant?” she nearly growls, her eyes narrowing. “Do we need to take away your bedroom privileges?”

“No, ma'am, definitely not,” he replies, and she can hear the amusement in his voice. “I apologize, captain.”

She smirks, waiting a couple of seconds before pushing off the table and walking over to the sink. She runs her hand over his t-shirt, letting her nails rake over his back and he glances over his shoulder at her. She stands on her toes, puckering her lips and she smiles when he gives her a quick peck before returning his attention to his task.

“You're good with him,” Veronica says, wrapping her arms around his torso, her hand slipping under his shirt. “Color me surprised.”

Logan shrugs, glancing down at her hand rubbing his stomach before rinsing his hands off. “I'm not surprised. He's a lot like you.”

_Veronica flinched at the sound of her father shouting outside her door. He rarely shouted but had been for the last twenty minutes. She had never heard him so angry. The fight had started in the bedroom and was now spilling out to the other rooms and she could hear him follow her screaming mother down the hallway to the living room. Her drunk mother._

_Her very drunk mother._

_She jumped at the sound of breaking glass and then there's her father, saying her mother is so drunk she can't even hold a glass, pull yourself together, disgusting, your fucking daughter is in the other room, I can't deal with you right now. She blinked back tears, yanking her CD player from under her pillow and scrambling with shaking hands to put the headphones on when the phone in her room began to ring._

_Veronica sniffed, lunging over the bed for the cordless. “H-Hello?” she cleared her throat just in case it was Inga. “Mars residence.”_

_“VERRRRRRRR-ONICA. VERONICA MARS.”_

_She can't help but laugh at the sound of Lilly's loud, joyful voice over the phone practically ringing in her ears. There was a lot of noise on the other end, she could hear Duncan yelling over music and Logan arguing back and someone else- Trina? No, Logan's visiting cousin that she had met last week? “What are you guys doing?”_

_“Sleepover at the Echollseses- come over!”_

_Veronica stiffens as she hears a door slam and then jerked open again, her parents still arguing viciously. “It's almost ten.”_

_“So? It's Friday! Come on!”_

_“She's saying no?” Logan. “Give me the phone.”_

_“Logan, get off me-”_

_“Give me the-” there was a short scuffle and then a deep breath. “Veronica. Mom said you, Lilly and Margot can have the house, Duncan and I have to sleep in the pool house. We're not allowed to sleep in the same room, there's like seven people here, tell your dad that, we'll come pick you up.”_

_Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I can't.”_

_“What? Why? DK, talk to Veronica.”_

_“No!” Veronica's voice rose to an almost shrill level and she shook her head as if Logan could see her. “It's a bad time, put Lilly back on the phone.”_

_Lilly cackled at something on the other end and she let out an exasperated sigh. “Come oooooooon. We're going to the beach tomorrow and I don't want to go without you. None of us do, I want you there, so does Duncan and Logan. Definitely Duncan. You have to come. Pack pjs, your bikini, a change of clothes and the boring stuff. Logan's providing the liquor.”_

_“Lilly, mom said no drinking.”_

_“God, go play your game, Donut!”_

_Veronica fidgeted uncomfortably, letting out a shaky breath. “They're fighting again.”_

_This time, Lilly's voice softened. “Then that's more reason for you to come over, silly.”_

_Veronica looked up as her door opened and there was her father, looking worn and tense. “Hi,” she whispered._

_“Veronica?” Lilly asked._

_She covered the receiver. “Lil wants to know if I can go to a sleepover at Logan's.”_

_Keith let out a heavy sigh, starting to shake his head. “You know how I feel-”_

_“L-Logan's mom said Lilly and I and Logan's cousins can sleep in the house and Logan and Duncan have to sleep in the pool house. There's like seven people there. We'll go to the beach tomorrow. They'll drop me off,” she met her father's gaze, inhaling shakily as the tears began to well once more. “Please.”_

_Her father's shoulders slouched and he nodded, holding out his hand. “Let me talk to Lynn.”_

_Veronica couldn't stop the smile on her face when Lilly's shriek was heard on the other end, the muffled “Mrs. Echolls, Mr. Mars needs you!” filling the silence between them. Veronica handed the phone to her father, her eyes darting behind him as the refrigerator door opened and Keith swiftly shut Veronica's door._

_Her eyes closed as Keith's hand ran over her hair as he sank to her bed. She jumped to her feet, starting to pack as Keith cordially chatted with Mrs. Echolls. Keith laughed at something Lynn said and it was like a chunk of weight had been knocked off her chest. Veronica looked over her shoulder, giving him a smile._

_Veronica's gaze jumped to the door when she heard her slurred name shouted in the living room. Keith looked up, shaking his head as his jaw set. A firm 'don't.' He jerked his head to the door and Veronica quickly ran into the bathroom to gather her toiletries._

Hunter shrieks as he slips down the long slide and Veronica gives him a smile and a wave from her place on the bright green bench, using her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. She feels Logan's arm wrap around the back of the bench, his fingers rubbing against her shoulder. She leans against his chest, her eyes closing as he nuzzles his nose over her cheek.

“See, this isn't so bad,” she says, running her hand over his stomach, letting her nails rake over his blue t-shirt. Her legs bob up and down, nearly balancing on her toes. “This feels almost romantic, us sitting here together, in the park with the trees and the bratty kids...”

“As great as this is, I'd prefer to be elsewhere,” Logan replies, hesitating before tilting his head, his mouth brushing over her hair. “Like between your legs.”

She smirks, patting his chest lightly before pulling out her phone and quickly texting her father. _Hows it going?_ “Behave, children are present...”

“You weren't interested...” he trails off, his fingers running along her thigh. His eyebrows lift in amusement behind his sunglasses, his mouth twisting as he tries to hide the smirk. “In behaving last night.”

“Logan,” Veronica says firmly, giving him a stern look as she clutches his fingers before entwining them with hers. “Stop. Tonight, we can misbehave but right now-”

“Fine,” his smile fades as he catches Veronica checking her phone once more. His hand lands on her knee, squeezing firmly as he put his sunglasses on top of his head. “You're so nervous you're making me nervous. What's going on?”

Veronica shakes her head, slipping her phone back in her jacket pocket with her free hand. She grasps his hand again, holding it against her knee. “Waiting for a text or call from mom. Nothing yet. I texted dad,” he continues to stare at her with a bit of concern seeping in the edges and she grins as easy of a grin as she can manage, beckoning him with her finger. “Come here.”

He smiles as he presses his mouth against hers in a brief kiss, chaste but their mouths open enough for two proper adults. She stifles a giggle as he nips at her bottom lip before pulling away and for this moment, she can pretend it's just them. She leaves a quick kiss on his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder. She sighs, watching Hunter play for a while and letting Logan's fingers circling on her arm lull her into a nice calmness, even though the static of anxiety lingers in the absence his fingers leave with each run.

This is almost domesticated, she thinks. Them and this child playing off in the distance. It was a lot easier than she had expected, Hunter was able to play and be alone and not be bothered by it. Maybe Logan was right, maybe he was like her. Maybe she and Logan had been nervous over nothing at all.

It was Logan's turn to take out his phone and he lets out a breath, squeezing her knee once more. “We're going to miss the movie if we don't floor it right now.”

Veronica nods, climbing to her feet and pulling on her sunglasses. “Hunter, let's go!” she calls, picking up her bag. “We're going to miss the movie!”

Hunter came running at a good speed, breathing hard as he nearly slams into Logan's leg. “Are we still seeing the Lego movie?” he pants, grasping Veronica's hand.

She nods as they walk to Logan's car, watching out of the corner of her eye as Hunter takes Logan's hand. Logan stiffens for a moment before clutching the boy's hand back and she can't stop the odd twisting of her stomach. It's an odd feeling, she's not sure what it means. She ignores it, fixing an exaggerated grin in Logan’s direction as she chirps, “If Logan can stop driving like an old man-”

“We are in a residential, Speed Racer,” Logan interjects. “You're paying my ticket if we get pulled over, I don't care how broke you are.”

“Oh, we're back to being a tightwad, lieutenant? Kinda sad-”

“Are you fighting?” Hunter says suddenly, a faint panic in his eyes. “Why are you fighting?”

Veronica laughs, shaking her head. “We're not _fighting_ , Hunter. We're just having fun.”

“Why are you being mean to each other?”

Veronica bites on her lower lip to hide her smile at Logan's smirk. “Because we love each other. And sometimes when you really love someone, you know you can tease them without hurting their feelings. Logan knows I'm joking, and I know he's joking.”

Hunter's eyes narrow. “But how do you know?”

“We just do,” Logan mutters as he slips his sunglasses over his eyes. “You'll understand when you're older, trust me.”

The turning in Veronica's stomach intensifies while they lift Hunter as he swings his legs up and a passing mother smiles and says “your family is beautiful!”

With a dismissive laugh, Veronica starts to answer the woman but is cut off by Logan's overly cheerful “thanks!” She blinks in surprise, glancing over to him and catching the grin he exchanges with Hunter. Hunter kicks his legs, one by one, in an especially happy skip as they reach the car. Her brow furrows as he kicks-skips once more, watching him warily.

She used to do the same thing when she was his age.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you okay?”

_“One.”_

_“Two.”_

_“Three.”_

_Veronica inhaled sharply as she lifted the glass to her lips, downing the shot of tequila. She nearly gagged, pressing her lips together as her roommate Nikki cackled at her look of disgust. “That is...harsh,” she rasped, shaking her head._

_“You'll get used to it!” Nikki exclaimed, slapping Veronica's knee. “Another?” she looked around the dorm floor for the second bottle._

_“No,” Veronica shook her head. “Two beers, a rum and coke and a shot of tequila- I am done.”_

_Nikki's face fell and she still managed to look gorgeous. Amazing cheekbones, full lips, perfect skin and a short haircut that accentuated all of the above did that to a person. “But we were going to get super drunk and watch some Mystery Science Theater, come on!”_

_She shook her head once more, feeling the room tilt and her fingers pressed on the hardwood floor for balance. “I'm cutting myself off.”_

_Nikki pouted, leaning back against her bed. “Fiiiiine. Hey, look,” she tilted to the side, stretching out on the floor. “In two months my mom is flying in, we're doing this mommy daughter brunch and pampering thing, you should have your moms come too. We can BFF it.”_

_Veronica froze, blinking slowly. “That won't be happening.”_

_“Oh, why not? It'll be mortifying for us both!”_

_Her smile is slow and tight as she shook her head. “My mom ditched my dad and I. When I was in high school. Poof!” she snorted in laughter, rubbing at her eyes in a vain attempt to rid herself of the blurriness. “She stole my money too. We don't talk.”_

_That mortification Nikki had spoken of seemed to arrive two months early and she swallowed hard. “God, Veronica, I didn't know. I'm sorry.”_

_“Whatever, it's been years,” Veronica leaned over, picking up the bottle of tequila and unscrewing the top. “She's also an alkie so this,” she lifted the bottle in a toast. “This,” she giggled, staring at the bottle. “This we should not be doing. L'chaim!” she brought the bottle to her lips, taking a long gulp._

“Hey, mom, it's me. It's about four and still no word. Dad's texted, said you were dropped off. Where are you?”

Veronica glances over the corner of the diner to the table where Hunter and Logan were currently attempting to balance a knife, spoon and fork at an angle on a water glass. They ended up at some dive for burgers after the movie, some place Logan had been introduced to by some shipmates years ago. A lot of greasy food, which suited Hunter just fine for lunch. Logan's fast fingers sneak a french fry off Hunter's plate but he's not quick enough and Hunter pokes Logan's arm with a grin. They've been getting along particularly well but she can still see Logan scanning the restaurant for her and she quickly waves, forcing a smile on her face.

“Hunter's fine, by the way. He's having a good time.”

Hunter was already on an emotional high since Veronica had allowed him to sit in the row in front of them instead of next to them and was feeling like a proper adult. It also gave her and Logan some almost-alone time, and she felt like a teenager again with Logan sneaking kisses, whispers and thigh stroking throughout the film. She had also caught him laughing at some parts of the movie before gathering himself back into a serious disposition. Between Logan enjoying the film in spite of himself, the air conditioning and Hunter giving them excited glances over his shoulder during the movie, it was a pleasant ninety minutes.

She had fought the urge to check her phone during the film, trying to ignore the anxiety itching under her skin. Afterwards, she saw the text from her dad and was now in an icy calm, a default temperament, as she calls her mother. Carefully steady tone, count to ten, don't jump to conclusions, don't compare to past traumas...

“Just...call me.”

She ends the call, letting out a sigh as she turns her head left, right, up and down in an attempt at releasing some of the tension currently sitting on her neck and shoulders. Her eyes focus on a watercolor of a landscape between the two bathrooms and she continues her breathing exercises. Soon, her gaze blurs and she blinks, snapping out of her reverie.

Logan grins up at her as she slides back into the booth, his eyebrows rising. “We thought you weren't coming back. Hunter and I have agreed ice cream is the only natural destination in our travels.”

Veronica stares at Logan for a long moment, that annoying twisting of her stomach intensifying as Hunter gave Logan an adoring look before turning his attention to his plate. She musters a smile, allowing Logan to grasp her hand in his and bring her knuckles to his lips. “Why not?”

_Lianne grinned, holding up her newly painted nails. A light yellow, almost white. “What do you think?”_

_Veronica smiled up at her mother before concentrating on the precision of her brush. Hers were a coral, a pretty shade her mother rarely used. She could smell the food from the grill in the backyard, her father's singing heard through the glass sliding door. She wondered for a moment when they were going to bring out the birthday cake, she had overheard her mother telling her father that ten was an important one and to be sure to get sparking candles. She was excited for the cake, she hoped it was chocolate._

_“I like it, it's pretty,” Veronica's brow furrowed as she inspected her mother's nails. “Isn't that too light? It doesn't look very yellow.”_

_Lianne shrugged, mimicking Veronica's expression. “I think it's pretty,” her gaze met Veronica's, a smile playing on her lips. “It's like a ghost, the yellow can disappear at any moment.”_

_Veronica rolled her eyes, focusing back on her own nails. “No, it can't...”_

_Her mother sighed, leaning back in her seat. “Are you sure you're fine with just the family? We could've thrown a party for you and your friends...”_

_“No!” Veronica exclaimed, a bright smile forming. “I want it to just be us. Are we still going to the movie after dinner?”_

_“Yes, baby,” joy formed on Lianne's face and she jumped to her feet. “Look what daddy has!”_

_Veronica turned around, her eyes widening at the cake her father was carrying in to the house, sparkling candles on the chocolate frosted cake like teeny firecrackers. She beamed as her parents sang happy birthday, as her father kissed her head lovingly, and she hoped she hadn't smudged her nails in the excitement._

_“Make a wish!” Keith said with a laugh, running his hand over Veronica's loose hair._

_Her eyes closed as she made her wish, a simple one. She wanted a dog. Maybe next year. She blew out the candles, grinning as her parents cheered. “Is it chocolate?”_

_Lianne's smile faded and she shot a glance at Keith. “N-No, honey, it's vanilla.”_

_Keith rolled his eyes playfully. “I told you it was chocolate. Luckily, I got chocolate ice cream! Dessert for dinner and dinner for dessert time!”_

_“It's okay, mom!” Veronica said, patting her mother's arm. “I love the cake,” she nodded as Lianne looked at her. She could see the smile her mother was forcing on her face before resting her hand on Veronica's. “It looks amazing,” she insisted, widening her grin._

The ice cream shop is packed, full of excited and hyper children, exasperated and worn out parents, and loud teenagers. Without a doubt, Hunter was the best behaved out of all the kids. Or at least Veronica thought so. Maybe she was biased.

She glances down at her phone. No new messages, no new voicemails. She stifles a sigh as she quickly texts Lianne. _Where are you??? Call me ASAP._ She wishes this nervousness wasn't familiar. She wished she couldn't identify this feeling. The mere fact that she could correlate this feeling with disposable phones and two hour drives and hands gripping at backs and hoping this was all a dream...that was disconcerting. She hated that state, she thought she had moved on from it.

Veronica watches as Logan lifts up Hunter by his hands, swinging him between his legs. A smile perks on her lips as Hunter begins to climb up Logan's tall frame, or at least tries to, until Logan helps him out. She stares at their backs for a moment, seeing for just a split second what could be her future. Standing in line at Amy's, Logan carrying this tiny adult with blonde hair like hers was as a child, this child playing with Logan's dog tags, and she tries to will herself to pull out her phone, to take a picture, to hold onto the memory.

It frightens her, that feeling. A faint yearning mixed with a cold, harsh fear.

She doesn't want this. She wanted him, not this. She didn't want any of this. Only him.

Most women coo and aww over men with children, they can see the father in them, can imagine what they would be like as a parent. Veronica only sees Logan, she doesn't want to see the parent in him, she wants to see her boyfriend. This man she loves stupidly, a love which haunts her, a connection she currently doesn't want to share with anyone else. Maybe she wasn't ready to share herself with anyone else but him, either.

Standing in the middle of one of the more bright and crowded ice cream shops she has ever been in, it begins to dawn on Veronica that maybe she just isn't ready for this. Maybe she isn't prepared to be someone else's caretaker. Not with her job, not with the fact that she was still getting settled back in Neptune and into this new private eye beat. Not when she's still feeling this way about her mother. Can she even be a good guardian, or would she be just like her, self-absorbed and destructive? Will she feel trapped, will she become bitter? Will she freak out and bail, leaving behind ruins in her wake? How easy it would be to do so was terrifying. She had done it once before, hadn’t she? It was so easy. God, she doesn't even want to think about it, especially not in an ice cream store, an existential crisis shouldn’t come with the butter pecan.

Yearning. Fear. Regret. And then, confusion and guilt. God, she didn't sign up for any of this. This was supposed to be a simple babysitting job, not something which forces her to confront these buried emotions, to feel guilt and fear and which makes her want to crawl out of her own skin. She doesn't want that fear of abandonment and suspicion and disappointment to return to her bones, she doesn't want to think of the forever that might come with Logan, she doesn't want to think about any of it. Sometimes she really fucking hated her tendency to obsess over things.

“Earth to Mars!”

Veronica blinks, catching Logan and Hunter staring at her expectantly, Logan with an amused smile playing on his lips. Their little boys club which she had been basically chaperoning the entire day. She pushes her hair behind her ears, giving Logan a brief smile. “Yes?”

“Coffee cookie, right?”

She nods before turning away, focusing her attention on the cars driving past outside. Logan keeps talking but she doesn't hear, allowing an imaginary, a self-imposed, even, white noise to separate them at that moment. If she focuses her attention on him, she'll have to see her brother, she'll have to see the harsh and very real possibility that her mom won't be coming back _again_ , she'll have to see her boyfriend and see the very real possibility of _forever_. She'll have to _see_.

And so she doesn't, staring out at the street until her gaze blurs, not even thinking. Just staring. Staring until Logan discreetly dips his hips against hers from behind as he hands her the cup of ice cream. Only then does she get herself together and blinks the sadness away, gets the smile in place, returns the kiss he gives her, chimes in Hunter's song, finally drifts back to a normal she can fake and even welcome.

Her mother still hasn't called by the time they drive back to Logan's.

_“Hey, Veronica."_

_Veronica looked up, blinking back tears at the sight of Logan there._

_Logan, all floppy hair and braces and skinny limbs and a nose which was too big for his face. He had gotten the worst of the puberty fairy, Duncan and Lilly had predictably remained unscathed aside from the growth spurts and Veronica has remained slight and pretty other than new curves she wasn't quite comfortable with yet. They teased Logan, arguably the biggest peacock of them all, other than Lilly, constantly._

_She couldn't tease him now, being she was the one in a dirty soccer uniform crying on a wet bench. “What.”_

_He fidgeted slightly at her sharp tone, scratching the back of his neck. “Where's your mom?”_

_Her mom wasn't there to pick her up, obviously. Her mother wasn't at the game she promised to be at either._

_Tears filled Veronica's eyes as she remembered standing on the field, looking for her mother and seeing Mrs. Echolls see her and immediately jump to her feet, clapping and yelling “go, Veronica, honey!” and continued to do so for the rest of the game._

_At that moment, she wished Mrs. Echolls was her mother._

_“I don't know,” Veronica whimpered, lowering her head as the tears spilled over again. She felt Logan's tentative hand on her shoulder and shrugged him off. “Leave me alone, Logan.”_

_“Mom said she'll drive you,” Logan responded, his voice deepening on the last word and he quickly cleared his throat. “She'll drive you, come on.”_

_She glanced past him at the luxury black SUV parked at the curb, Linda Ronstadt's impeccable vocals floating from the open window._

_“You don't have to, I can walk to the bus,” she sniffed._

_“Are you kidding? Come on, dummy.”_

_Mrs. Echolls grinned at Veronica as she climbed into the backseat and Veronica could see the tenseness in her mouth. She wasn't that good of an actress. “Hi, honey. Wonderful game!”_

_“Yeah," Veronica said weakly, scooting over as Logan plopped beside her. “Thanks for driving me."_

_“It's my pleasure.”_

_“Hey, mom," Logan said, throwing his comic book at Veronica, who glared at him. “Can we-"_

_“Can we?"_

_“May we go get ice cream? Let's take Veronica to Amy's, she's never been,” he glanced down at his lap, ignoring the comic book that hit his arm. “Maybe Veronica can stay for dinner too?”_

_Mrs. Echolls was silent for a moment, pulling the car out into the road. “Not today, baby. Your father's in a mood, you know that.” She glanced at Veronica in the mirror. “Mr. Echolls is in between projects.”_

_Logan gave a quick nod, turning to Veronica and pinching her thigh. Mrs. Echolls jumped at the sound of Veronica's yelp, turning her head sharply. “Logan! Leave Veronica alone!”_

_Veronica had almost forgotten about her afternoon misery on the drive, having thumb wars with Logan, singing along with Logan's mother to Linda Ronstadt and giggling with Logan about Lilly getting Dick Casablancas detention last week for daring him to do a back flip...right into the new gym teacher he hadn't seen in the way. It was a nice change from the current tension in the Mars household, her mother was more absent minded lately, her parents were arguing more, her mother's water had a sharp taste to it. Logan had mumbled something about his mom being depressed but she seemed perfectly fine, refusing to hear Logan's proclamation that he was gross, saying the tougher the growing up, the handsomer the boy, much to Logan's dismay. Mrs Echolls seemed to adore Logan and on that day, Veronica was jealous._

_To Veronica's surprise, Mrs Echolls followed her to the front door. She stood there, stunned, as Mrs Echolls pointedly told her mother how well Veronica had done in the game and she was sure one of the other parents had filmed it for her. Veronica's mother had the decency to look ashamed and Veronica eyed the water bottle she put in the freezer._

_After Lynn had left, all that was there was the awkwardness. Her mother was too ashamed to properly look at her, instead telling her to go shower before dinner. As Veronica stood under the steady stream, she tried not to think about her mother's absence, instead remembering how Lynn had told her how wonderful she had played. It had left her with a warm feeling in her bones, a discerning maternal warmth in her heart she had been gradually missing from her mother for several months now._

_She missed her mother._

Veronica nearly lunges at her phone as it rang, oblivious to Logan's slight glare and reflexes of steel as he stops his beer bottle from tipping over the coffee table, continuing to play Super Smash Brothers with Hunter. “Hi! Mom!” she says breathlessly, jumping to her feet and rushing to the kitchen and away from the loud video game cacophony.

“Veronica, do you mind keeping Hunter for the night? I need to find an AA meeting.”

Veronica's jaw clenches, her grip on the phone growing tight. And there it was, that feeling that had been fogging the corners of her vision, now front and center. And then, there, the anger, swift and startling. No hello, no asking about Hunter, no asking about how _she_ was doing, nothing except Lianne Mars Scott Big _Fucking_ Phony With an Alcohol Problem. God, she was almost blind with the sudden rage that filled her. 

It was like the beast that was her aggression and resentment toward her mother had been awoken, and it surprised her. She had genuinely thought she was over it, that she had moved on, but there it was. “Sure.”

“It's...it's just been a tough day. I can't let him see me like this.”

“I understand,” her jaw clenches and she turns her back on Logan when she catches him eyeing her. She wants to scream. She has the sudden urge to ram her fist into the wall repeatedly. “Just take care of yourself. We'll have him ready in the morning. You must be here by ten, Logan and I have a reservation for brunch.”

Her voice, now a stilted monotone, is barely heard over Hunter's scream of victory. She doubts her mother cares.

The living room is noisy now between Hunter's shrieking and Logan's G-rated smack talking but she can make out her mother's “Thank you so much, Veronica. I will be there in the morning.”

She stands there for a minute after her mother hangs up, clutching her phone tightly in her hands. She waits for the anger to subdue, waits for the adult, mature calm to finally make way so she can make arrangements for the night. Hunter's young, he doesn't understand. She needs to keep it all positive for him. He doesn't need to end up like her.

As she walks back into the living room, she can feel Logan's eyes on her, can sense the question in them. She sets her jaw and doesn't look at him as she walks around to Hunter's side, gently taking the game controller from his grasp. The game is paused by Logan and she nods, inhaling deeply.

“Hunter...” Veronica couches down, giving him the best comforting smile she can muster. “How'd you like to have a sleepover with me and Logan tonight?” It's only now does she glance at Logan and she can see the alarm in his eyes, then the look. The “what the fuck is going on” look. Her eyes quickly shift back to Hunter, even as Logan's eyes burn into her.

Hunter's eyes narrow, paying Logan no mind as he jumps to his feet and walks to the kitchen. “Where's my mommy?”

Her lips press together and she looks down, hoping he can't sense the lie she was about to tell but knowing he most likely knew. Logan opens another beer in the kitchen and she doesn't bother to feel annoyed, she will probably join him later. “She was too tired to drive, so I said we can have a sleepover.”

“You can even have your own room,” came Logan's voice from the entrance. “Veronica's going to sleep in my bed because I'm afraid of the dark.”

Veronica's eyes close shortly as gratitude washes over her and she makes a note to thank him properly later. She nods, winking at Hunter. “He's a big chicken but you're not, right?”

Hunter shakes his head but there's still skepticism in his eyes. “I'm not scared of anything. Can I get my own bed?”

“Yes. It's nice and comfy,” she meets Logan's gaze for a moment. “Hunter, I have to talk to Logan for a minute. Stay here and play your game, okay?”

She stands and walks to the hallway, waiting for Logan to follow. He places his hand on the small of her back as they walk and she can't stop the jerk her body makes. He swiftly removes his hand and she feels guilty, he shouldn't have to feel bad for touching her. The guilt is quickly replaced by her anger and just raw nerves as she meets his eyes, as if he has the power to unleash this ugliness from her.

“Am I going crazy? Tell me I'm not crazy,” Veronica says under her breath, looking past Logan's arm into the living room, where Hunter sat, enthusiastically playing his game. Logan grabs her arm and leads her to his bedroom, leaving the door open a crack and she immediately turns to him, feeling something close to panic in her chest. “Tell me my deadbeat mother isn't going to fucking ditch my brother with me and run. Tell me I'm not an idiot-”

Her voice trembles on the last sentence and finally cracks with the last word. She presses her lips together as Logan hugs her tightly, and she inhales deeply against his chest. “Tell me I'm not getting conned, Logan.”

“I guess we'll find out in the morning, huh,” he murmurs before leaning back, staring into her eyes. “And no, you're not an idiot. Just...” he trails off, shaking his head. “Just a really good person.”

“Would you have done it? If Trina had a kid and something happened, would you have done it?”

After a moment of hesitation, he nods.

She nods in return, her eyes closing when he pulls her to him once again. “Then we're both idiots.”

Logan runs his fingers through Veronica's hair before leaving a fleeting kiss on the top of her head. “This isn't a big deal,” he says softly with a heavy sigh. “We'll make a bed for him, your mom will come in the morning and it'll be all right.”

“Yeah,” Veronica scoffs, pulling away. She glances at the door and then turns back to Logan, lowering her voice. “Maybe she will be back or maybe she's going to drop us like she always does and I'm going to have to pick up the pieces. Again.” Logan doesn't respond, just does that fucking annoying staring thing he always does and Veronica feels that rage in her again. “What, you're not going to say anything?”

His brow furrows in confusion. “What do you want me to say?”

“Um, _anything_?” she whispers, making a more than conscious effort at keeping her voice down. The last thing they needed was Hunter hearing them. “I'm here talking at you and nothing?”

Logan lets out a short, almost nervous laugh, shaking his head. “I'm not going to trash your mom, Veronica.”

“Why are you fucking here, then?” she snaps in a hushed hiss, the anger bubbling over before she can stop it. Out of all the times for him to take the moral high road, this wasn't the time. She needed him and he decides to be the good cop, she can't fucking believe him. “You're fucking useless.”

That was a mistake. She can see the hurt, sudden and pure in his eyes for just a moment and she knows she has gone too far. She's hurt his feelings and she knows how he's going to respond. Like clockwork, the hurt is replaced by anger, his eyes narrowing on her. Her jaw sets, readying herself for the fight.

“Useless?” Logan parroted in a whisper, and she can see how much he was struggling to keep his voice down. “ _Useless_? I've been helping you all day. I let you use my fucking home to house him-”

“ _Our_ home.”

Logan nearly jerks back in surprise, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “Do you live here now? Didn't you tell me you needed some time before you made the jump?”

She shook her head, waving him off. “I don't want to talk about that right now-”

“Then why bring it up?” he whispers, frowning. “Veronica, _what_ are we even arguing about?”

Veronica blinks rapidly in what could only be described as a tizzy, stabbing a finger at him. “Why don't you throw some emotional support my way? You've done _nothing_ but stay quiet just now-”

“What, you want me to sit here with you, cursing out your mom? Don't even try to pile on me right now, I've been entertaining Hunter the entire day,” she starts to turn away and he grabs her elbow, pulling her back to face him. “All day, I've been his fucking _father_ since his _actual_ dad is trash when all I have wanted is to _relax_ ,” he says in a carefully measured tone. Soft, calm, but she can hear just how furious he really is, coating the words as they are deliberately spoken. “I'm doing this for you, Veronica. I didn't sign up for this.”

She laughs, jerking her arm away from his hold. “Oh, please, you've been loving it,” she mutters. “That lady said we were a family and you practically jumped for joy-”

“Bullshit, Veronica. Excuse me for keeping my cool in front of the kid whose entire family is gone.”

“ _I'm_ his family, Logan!” she says through gritted teeth.

“I know it!” Logan swallows hard at his own raised voice and he lowers his head, slowly breathing through his nose. She watches him go through the motions. Inhale, count to three, exhale. “I've been here. The entire day, I've been here,” he lifts his head, glaring at her. “And I'm always fucking here.”

“Except when you're not.”

Another low blow and she can see it on his face for a second, the injured flinch. She wants to immediately apologize but doesn't, still too fucking angry over the phone conversation with her mother. So she stands there, looking at Logan with the same amount of agitation he was giving her.

“I know you're upset,” Logan says, his tone careful and even. “But you need to stop picking a fight with me or whatever you're doing because I haven't done a damn thing to you all day except take care of your brother. I don't have to, but I am. Okay?”

Veronica's jaw clenches and she nods, flinging the door open. “Look, I'll just take Hunter to my dad's in the morning if it's such a bother for you. Sorry to mess up your homecoming.”

“Do whatever the fuck you want, Veronica. You always do.”

Her lips press together at his final shot, always having to get the last word. Instead of responding, she rushes out, slamming the door behind her.

The rest of the evening had been awkward. Logan restricted himself to the bedroom and eventually the patio with his iPad and a bag of chips. Hunter had thought Logan was mad at him because of the video game, or so he told her as they ate dinner by themselves. Hunter could sense the tension- why wouldn't he, he had the same erratic mother after all, he knew the drill- and kept looking out the window at Logan's back. Veronica had told Hunter it had nothing to do with him, not to worry, but Hunter didn't listen or believe her, going out on the patio to offer Logan some chocolate as a peace offering. The twist of Veronica's stomach had returned as she watched from the living room as Hunter climbed on Logan's lap and Logan didn't reject him, just ran his hand over his hair and continued to stare at the ocean.

She was so afraid to allow herself to get used to the sight of Hunter and Logan bonding, to let Hunter get used to it. Just when she got used to a certain stability, to the warmth of finally being happy, it would be ripped from her, from them. Hunter would go away, or Logan would go, or something horrible would happen. She was sure of it. That's how it all worked, wasn't it? Just as she got comfortable with something, allowed herself some contentment, something happened. She had to keep herself as level-headed as possible, with everything, even if she just wanted to rest and stop being so on edge. She had really thought she was over it.

They hadn't spoken since their fight. She had busied herself by taking over caring for Hunter the rest of the night, helping him bathe, fixing up the guestroom and finding him a t-shirt to sleep in. They had watched a movie while Logan messed around with his laptop in the kitchen and Hunter was none the wiser, quite enjoying their sleepover party, as he called it. He was even excited to go to sleep once he saw the rotating stars lamp Veronica had brought back from New York.

“Love is old, love is new,” Veronica sings softly, running her fingers through Hunter's hair. Her eyes close as his tiny fingers wrap around her free hand, holding her there as his eyes begin to close, then open again. “Love is all, love is you...”

Her gaze lifts at the so familiar feel of eyes on her and sure enough, Logan stands at the door, watching them. He doesn't speak and he never does when he's really upset without an outlet. Like at Lilly's funeral. Like when he came to school on a really hot day wearing long sleeves. Like when Cassidy jumped. Like when he didn't get a chance to face Carrie's killer. Silence. Darkness in his eyes. And there, in the depths of it- concern? There was her Logan.

Her voice falters at the sight of him and she inhales deeply, containing herself and continuing to sing. Hunter was almost gone, sleep taking over and his grip on her fingers weakening. Logan turns on the hallway light before turning and walking to their bedroom.

That was good. He wasn't sleeping on the couch. One less problem to worry about.

“Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry,” her lips press together as her eyes close tightly and she rocks forward for a moment before her back gently hits the wall. Crying was never an option, especially not now. “Because the sky is blue...”

When she enters their bedroom about ten minutes later, Logan's pulling up his boxer briefs, fresh from the shower. He barely looks at her as she leaves the door open just a crack, walking past her to the closet as he begins to hang up his clothes.

She lets the awful, tense silence sit heavy between them as she moves to the bathroom. She locks herself in and chooses to sit on the sink for a couple of minutes, lost in her thoughts. Their first fight in nine years and it was a pretty big one. Logan's silence is unnerving, she's used to yelling and slamming doors and stomping feet and random objects getting thrown or flung and even some tears. This new Logan is almost stoic and more controlled. She could see his jaw clenching during their fight and he was almost visibly counting to ten but he had kept his cool even as she lost hers. She feels horrible and she knows she owes him an apology.

When she steps out of the bathroom, pulling on his tank which he had left on the sink counter, he's on his back in bed, his forearm covering half of his face. God, he doesn't even want to look at her.

After a moment of hesitation, she walks across the room and stops at his side. He removes his arm, glancing up. Then his gaze softens and he's holding out his hand to her. The tears come to her eyes almost immediately and she shakes her head, her hands clenching into fists. Gently, he takes her wrist and pulls her on the bed. He handles her with care and she holds her breath in a vain attempt at not crying in front of him.

“What, you were just going to stand there the whole night?” he murmurs against her cheek as she lays on top of him, stretching along the length of him. His arm wraps around her waist and he pushes her hair from her face. “I’m not going anywhere, Veronica.”

She nods, swallowing hard. “I know,” she wipes at her eyes before she lifts her head, gazing up at him. “I am so sorry, Logan. I didn't mean-”

“Stop, we're both jerks,” Logan allows a small smile to form and he shakes his head. “Bygones.”

_Veronica sat in the shower, head dipped, watching the water rolling over her forehead and down her lap. The water hitting tile was the only sound in the bathroom. She can't keep the heaviness from affecting the way she breathes, she felt like she can't even breathe._

_Her father was sitting in the kitchen, as he had been for the last hour, staring at the goodbye letter Lianne had written him. He had told her to go shower, probably because he didn't want her to see him like that, still stunned. Still defeated._

_She had went to call Lilly when she found her mother's letter and then, she remembered. Lilly would never be, ever again._

_Everything had changed. In weeks, her entire life had come crashing down. Lilly was gone. Duncan was gone. Logan was gone. Her mother was gone. All that was left were ashes._

_And her father._

_Veronica climbed to her feet, wiping the tears from her face away with the steady stream of cooling water, like a baptism. She inhaled deeply, trying to will some strength into her soul._

_It wasn't the time to break down, not now. Her father needed her. She was going to show her mother they didn't need her anymore. They had each other. She was going to show everyone they weren’t going to break._

_She leaned against the tile, wiping water from her face as she starts to rack her brain, trying to think of what to cook for breakfast for her father, and what her game plan would be for getting through the day. They were not broken._

Veronica finds herself in tears that night, angry at herself as Logan hugs her from behind and listens to her vent. She's not a talker, not one to air out her troubles but she finds herself needing to, then. She wasn't sixteen anymore, wasn't willing to be angry at the world. She just wants to rest.

“What if mom does get sent away? What if I do have to take Hunter? I can't just abandon him- what if I severely fuck this up?”

“I was just as nervous as you were, Veronica,” Logan whispers against her hair. “My parental figures weren't exactly award-winning. But it wasn't so bad, right? And...and you'll have me,” he murmurs as he runs his thumb over her shoulder. “And Keith. And Wallace. Mac. We'll all help. This doesn't have to be terrible, you know.”

“I know you don’t want kids around-”

“Veronica. I like Hunter. He’s a good kid. I told you why I was against this, it has _nothing_ to do with him. It’s just...new.”

She shakes her head, rubbing at her face. “I am stupid.”

Logan sighs behind her, his nose pressing against her shoulder. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I am so fucking stupid,” she turns to face him, wiping at the corner of her eye. “I keep doing this to myself, I keep _allowing_ her to fucking do this to me. I am so _fucking_ angry-” she's cut off as Logan's fingers touch her cheek gently and she closes her eyes as he starts to stroke her skin. “I thought I was over it,” she whispers. “I thought I could move on and forgive her but I can't. I just can't.”

“You don't have to.”

Her eyes open and she lets out a strained laugh. “You're sick of me today, aren't you?”

“Nope,” his arm wraps around her waist and he pulls her to him. “You're my favorite person,” his grin grows. “I'm also used to your bullshit already.”

Veronica laughs, weakly slapping his face away. “Go sleep on the couch, you're fired.”

Veronica doesn't sleep much. She paces, reads, goes to the kitchen, gets some cereal, goes back to bed. Tosses, turns, sighs, tries not to give in to sudden, panicked crying jags when they threaten, plays a game on her phone, reads some more. Logan stays up with her, patiently watching as she paces, reads with her, follows her to the kitchen, shares her cereal, goes back to bed.

Three o'clock and she's still up. They're still up. She checks on Hunter, he is still sound asleep, buried in the blankets she had piled on the bed for him. When she walks back to the bedroom, Logan's sitting on the edge of the bed, running his hands over his face.

She makes a decision, shutting the door and locking it.

Logan looks up at the click of the lock, his eyebrows rising. “Is your mini-you still sleeping?”

“Yes. He is,” she murmurs as she stops in front of him, her fingers trailing down his jaw.

He blinks as she straddles his lap, running her hands down his chest. “Okay,” he whispers, all quips forgotten as their eyes meet and the silence is deafening between them as her hand moves down his body.

She pushes down and moves aside cloth and works that well traveled path, feeling her breathing becoming labored with each gasp from him. He's kissing her shoulder softly as she pulls down the straps of his borrowed tank and pushes the fabric to her waist, letting his fingers drift over her skin. She’s grasping desperately for him now, her hands trying to keep him as close to her as humanly possible. His mouth brushes over hers, his hands sliding over her skin as their eyes lock. Their lips touch gently, his fingers curling on her hips as she moves up and then sinks down.

His hands are gentle on her jaw as he forces her to look at him. “Hey. Don't go anywhere,” he whispers.

She knows what he means. Don't check out emotionally.

Veronica nods, a weak smile tugging on the corners of her mouth as he beckons her with his index finger, and she presses her lips against his, her body beginning to sway and rock that familiar dance. Her arm wraps around his back, her other hand clutching at his hair as he buries his face against her neck. They move together, quiet, but present.

She doesn't think. She doesn't remember or worry. She does nothing except focus on what is happening right then, and on him. There is nothing else, just them. Her mouth presses against his temple, biting back a moan as everything begins to intensify and blur.

Then, she lets go.

Veronica lays flush against him afterwards, letting his fingertips dragging over her spine lull her. She glances up at his profile and watches him stare at the ceiling, his other hand entwining with hers. The door's back to being open for Hunter, and she's opened a window, the sound of the waves outside soothing. He pulls a thin sheet over them with his free hand before resting his hand on her lower back.

“I'm glad you're here,” she whispers, kissing his knuckles tenderly.

Logan smiles against her forehead, pressing his lips against her skin. “I'm glad you're here too.”

_Keith adjusted the camera, staring blankly as he focused the lens on him. “Is it on?”_

_“Honey, it's on! The red light is on, see?”_

_A bright smile came upon Keith's face and he holds the camera out. “Okay, this is a tape for our baby, coming to us in about a month. We are really excited for you, and today is a special day because we found out you are a girl!”_

_Keith cringed. “We were going to wait until you were born but your mommy decided to be impatient and get the paper from your grandma-”_

_He swung the camera around, the view blurry and then put back into focus as he zooms in on Lianne on their gray couch, her hands resting on her protruding stomach. “And here's your beautiful, impatient mama, baby girl Mars!”_

_Lianne waves brightly to the camera, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “Hi, baby! This is your parents, saying hello for the first time and this video will be used to embarrass you in about ten years,” she grins as Keith laughs behind the camera. “I'm so happy you're a girl, daddy wanted to name you Terrence Cook Mars if you were a boy.”_

_“That's a strong name!”_

_Lianne rolled her eyes, leaning back in her seat as Keith moved about, settling beside her. The camera swung around once more and now both Keith and Lianne were in frame. “Veronica, we can't wait to meet you.”_

_“You're not even here yet and you've made us so happy already, kiddo,” Keith said softly, smiling at the camera. They both stared at the camera lovingly for a long moment before Keith adjusted the camera, focusing once more on Lianne. He zoomed in on her stomach. “Okay, I think we've embarrassed you enough, kiddo. You have the rest of your life to be ashamed of us so...” he trailed off, zooming out and bringing the focus back on Lianne's smiling face. “Final words, mama Mars?”_

_Lianne blew a kiss at the camera before waving. “Veronica! Mommy loves you!”_

Veronica watches as Hunter excitedly takes his mother by her hand, leading her around Logan's living room, showing her the game he played last night. Lianne nods, smiling brightly as Hunter pulls her to the kitchen, telling her about the ice cream they all ate and if they could go there some other time. He hops as he shows his mother the picture he drew, now on Logan's refrigerator.

She leans back against Logan's chest for a moment, squeezing his fingers as he rests his chin on her head briefly. They were both on just about an hour of sleep and would have been zombified if not for the little boy running around, singing and hopping since seven that morning. She had told Logan they could sleep once they left and she planned on keeping that promise.

There's a voice in her head telling her to get angry, to get upset at the fact that her mother hadn't even mentioned the previous night's conversation, had acted like nothing was wrong and had greeted Hunter with a big smile. The voice tells her to let the rage win as her mother actually acts like a fucking mom for Hunter, oohing and ahhing over his picture, running her hands over his hair as he pulls on her skirt.

Veronica doesn't listen to the anger, she lets it fade away as Logan kisses her shoulder before walking past her to the kitchen. She just couldn't be angry anymore.

“Hunter! I'll see you around, bud!” Logan exclaims, high-fiving the boy.

“Logan, thank you so much,” Lianne says, giving Logan a rather long, one-armed hug and Veronica resists the urge to roll her eyes.

She follows mother and son as they walk to the door, rubbing her lips together and staring at the ground. At the door, all three stop, and Veronica rests her hand on Hunter's head as she stares at her mother. “How'd the meeting go?”

Lianne gives Veronica a strained smile, nodding. “It went well. I think everything is going to be okay.”

Veronica nods in return, smiling down at Hunter. “We had a blast, kid.”

Hunter grins, lunging forward and embracing Veronica tightly. “Can I come over again when we visit?”

“Anytime, Hunter,” Veronica says softly, hugging him back just as firm, allowing herself to enjoy his open love. Maybe he could spare some for her. “Anytime.”

This was her brother. Despite everything, he was her brother. Anything she felt for her mother, she had to put it aside for him. She could deal with her pain and emotions privately because this child didn't ask for any of it. She had to keep telling herself that.

Veronica's gaze lifts and she meets her mother's eyes. She had walked in without an apology, without questioning Hunter or Veronica's well-being, had just jumped right back into soccer mom mode. But Veronica wouldn't let that rage sit in her chest. She was going to move forward, for Hunter. In the event that he would need her in the future, she couldn't let her own anger to take over. She was going to let it go.

“Take care of yourself,” she says, her tone never wavering and the expression on her mother's face tells her she gets what Veronica's trying to say.

Don't start drinking again.

Stay strong.

Be the mother to him that you weren't to me.

Don't do to him what you did to me.

Don't fuck this up.

Veronica keeps the door open, watching as they get into Lianne's car. She stays, watching as the car pulls out of Logan's driveway and she waves when Hunter rolls down the window, shrieking out “Bye, Veronica!” as he waves wildly. She stays, staring as the car goes slowly, and disappears around the corner.

The sadness that hits as the car had pulled out shook her. She had expected relief but no, it was sadness that fills her. That yearning, that feeling of loss that has never really gone away. She's gotten good at filling it, though. She has family all around her, blood and not, even if her mother didn't want her. It was okay. Wasn’t it?

She shuts the door and locks it, finally letting out a heavy sigh. She walks to the living room, smiling at the sight of Logan sprawled out on the couch, his eyes closed. She walks over to the big, comfy couch she loves and lays down on the man she loves, resting her head on his chest.

“Hey, you,” he murmurs, not opening his eyes.

“ _Hey_ , you,” she softly replies.

Logan's arm wraps around her waist and he kisses her forehead. “They're gone?”

“Yes.”

“Thank _god_.”

She smirks, closing her eyes. “Now it's back to you and me, buddy. Do you still want to do brunch?”

He sighs. “How about we sleep and call brunch lunch?”

“Fine by me,” she sighs, then freezes as she feels Logan's hand stop on her back. He inhales and she readies herself for what's about to come out of his mouth.

“Are you okay?”

No.

She wants to say it so badly. No, she's not okay. She thought she was and she really isn't. Will she ever be okay? She doesn't even know. She just wants to be okay enough to be able to look at her mother without feeling sad, or angry, or upset. She wants to look at her mother and not feel anything.

It's going to take time. She has time.

“I'm fine,” Veronica whispers.


End file.
